Are you willing to use this strange season in late 2020 (or whenever you read this) to reflect and do some deep inner work? Would you like to come on the Man In Many Roles Podcast as a guest? I'd love to hear from you.
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| Photo by dylan nolte on Unsplash |
Are you willing to do the work?
How would it affect you to be more mindful and grounded at the next holiday function, tomorrow at work, in your parenting or marriage or in your current relationship? This matrix is just a starting point, and I attempted to address some of these questions in my first Man in Many Roles podcast that introduces the roles as I understand them in my life.
Good questions are like tools, thus the beautfiul photo on this blog. Good questions dig deeply if they are asked with genuine curiosity, and if you engage questions deeply on your own, they provide a solitary opportunity to know your identity more deeply, just like the fascination we feel when we are young, dig up the ground and find a world of wonder below the grass.
Enter the Matrix
Consider bookmarking or printing, or adding to your Google Drive this matrix I recently created (embedded below), and the guiding questions for each role on the left side of the matrix. I hope you try reflecting on your many roles. If you have been looking for a journaling opportunity, I think this will be helpful.
My wife and I celebrated 18 years of hard work in our marriage this past weekend, and we drove and talked about this matrix, discussing all the questions on the left side as they relate to our role as a self. So we discussed just one column of the matrix and it was a lovely conversation, spread across a couple of hours, and there was no pressure. As we did a few weekend errands, we just talked with the matrix guiding our conversation. It felt like a date, because we were curious about each other, and it was an unusual conversation. We both realized we don't think much about ourselves as a Self, nor do we think much about the origin of our understanding of ourselves as an independent person. Insight came, and memories flowed once we got to talking, but initially, it was hard to answer some of the first questions. All in all, it was a great conversation, very reflective, and we simply enjoyed the challenge of thinking about things like, "When did you first realize you were a self, your own person?" I wish I had recorded the conversation for a podcast. It was beautiful, kind, and rare. I truly think that if you approach this with yourself, a friend, or your spouse, it will be revealing, and help you to build more honesty with yourself. If you engage this with a friend, someone you are dating, or your spouse, it will give you a chance to listen well, and ask clarifying questions.
If we are going to effectively love ourselves and our closest relationships, we need to give thought to our roles. I offer the matrix as a gift (in the same way as a homework assignment about your heritage is work, but in the end, it can be a gift). Here it is:
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