Welcome back! This is part 2 of a two part blog. Check out Part 1, then continue here.
The third aspect of teaching our children to teach others and themselves well, is to help them understand what it is to build.
Teach them...
...to build.
 |
| Photo by Sneaky Elbow on Unsplash |
Build refers to strengthening, (and helping as explored in my recent blog about the Help aspect of the Help- Teach-Protect triad I use with my two sons as I raise them) This is a blog in total reaction to the way the world and suburbia works. What is the opposite of a “cut down” or a “roast”? Think of elementary school culture. Fit in or be ostracized. Remember the first time you were shamed at school? When I was in school, when you got dissed, everyone would put their hands over their eyes, nose, and mouth, and yell, “Oooooh! FACE!” Kinda makes me laugh now because we totally overused that phrase back in the day.
Think of your adult life. Who has supported you in hard times? What would that horrible moment have been like if someone had said the right thing to you, with a caring hand on your shoulder? What about tragedy? Loss? Who comes to mind as the one(s) who came to sit with you in your loss? Who helped you in the toughest time you can remember? That person built you up. What did he or she say that helped? The combination of care, simple presence, and the actual words offered gave you something you needed to hang in there. And you are not dead. You are reading this book and growing. That is the point--we are all the product of someone giving us the needed care and concern and words to feel validated, worthwhile, and like we can keep going. That is edification. Edification is also hearing what is needed to grow stronger. Things like, “C’mon, man, one more… Good!” “Will you try again?” “I love seeing you work hard.” “You inspired me, man!” and other phrases like them are the phrases of life. We speak life when we build up. I remember how my dad commented to me in my groom honoring (the Christian version of a bachelor party), “..you are natively intelligent.” Those words meant so much and are burned in my memory. That same evening, my brother, a sailor in the Navy at the time, validated the impact of my life as a Christian to me in front of all the other men, saying, “.. when I decide to begin my spiritual journey, you’ll be the first person I call.” Whoa! Words of life and validation from people who my heart longed to have spoken into it. Memories of the edifying words in my groom honoring, rehearsal dinner, and wedding still stir my emotions.
I recently collected men for my oldest son’s birthday to speak validation and edification to him. It felt so risky, but all the men fully showed up to edify Colin. They created letters, scrolls, spoke in biblical fashion to Colin, speaking blessings on him. It was simply holy. I will always remember my dad reading his letter to Colin, and Scott, with his hand on Colin’s forehead, speaking his blessing to Colin with unabashed authority. The boys at the party who were Colin’s age watched, jaw-dropped. Epic, indeed. My heart soared.
The effect and impact matter so much more than the intention. Man, how would boys be helped if they owned this? How about father/son relationships? Is the effect of the way you relate to others edifying? Have you stopped to ask if you are edifying or helpful to your friends? How do you know if you don’t ask? If you do ask, I guarantee, the simple act of requesting feedback on how you relate to your friends and loved ones will help incredibly to edify your relationships with them. Now there is a caveat: you walk with God as you interpret what’s going on and the feedback your friends offer. If boys learned to let the tough talks build them up instead of making excuses and telling stories of how they’ve been misunderstood, boys could be so strong and go forward in more edifying ways. We can clarify our intentions later, but we all can listen and take responsibility for our part of the impact, for better or worse, in the moment. Appreciating the impact of our actions acknowledges our power. We boys are so powerful. We are not just small, insufficient to all the expectations on us, we are deeply designed by God to be powerful. If we are dismissive of others because we are spread thin, that is on us. If we are rude or come across as rude, that is on us. If I don’t know what a huge jerk I come across as it is on me entirely. How often do we check on how we come across, or ask those who work and relate to us often what vibe we are giving off? How often do we ask the ones we don’t get along with how they feel, think, or act around us? What might be different if we observed ourselves a couple of times a week? What might be some benefits of just set an alarm a couple of times per week on our smartphones and paid more attention to our words, actions, and feelings around others we spend lots of time with?
Comments
Post a Comment