NOTE: I found this blog as a draft, and I thought about not sharing it, but have decided to share it, because I really did feel strong and validated as I wrote it. I had no idea what the next year held in store for me, and I will unpack that in another blog post soon. I had to part ways with the leader of the school eventually but I grew like crazy, so I don't have regrets, just some wounds and pride that I gave it my best shot.
On Oct 15, 2018 I started a new role as Assistant Principal at a Denver Elementary School after being a Coach/Observer for teachers. The change could be described in many ways: overwhelming, jarring, sobering, immersive, validating, and beautiful to name a few adjectives.
My joke when folks asked about the new position is that I went from 4-5 appointments a day, to 4 or 5 urgent issues per half hour.
I went from being an expert, efficacious, craftsman of feedback, real-time coaching, and evaluation of teachers to a complete novice in multitasking, managing behaviors, and learning what the expectations are.
I went from feeling bad about watching Netflix too late most nights to complete media detox--I need the rest physically. I went from a whenever bedtime to a 8pm bedtime, from a 6am (ish) wake up to a 3:50am wake up (well, that's when the first alarm goes off).
What was jarring is to be immersed in kid drama all day. I served a lot of students who had no tolerance for productive struggle. Some of them have been raised by glowing screens for the past several years. And they inspire each other to get off task. Even as I write this I struggle to collect my thoughts to make it clear to you what it is like. I imagine only my colleagues at the school or others in school leadership could really picture this.
I gotta say something about validation though. In all the hard, often disorienting work there is validation. My desire, faith, family and experience felt matured and aligned to minister to the needs at Munroe. I can't fix everything, and I don't promise solutions, I just minister for 10-12 hours a day. Before I began the role, about 3 months earlier, I began to cultivate a spiritual practice this year to be still for 20 minutes per morning and again at night, after diving into Keating's Contemplative Journey and Heurtz's The Sacred Enneagram. That work proved invaluable. I had passion and energy for the hard work of joining a school leadership position mid-semester that surprised me. I was often comfortable in my skin as I struggle, and I gave myself no space to be self condemning or live in shame. It comes sometimes but I release it in prayer aloud and in silence and stillness at 4 am. The work paid off, I grew a great deal, and learned as I rattled on the track of a surreal roller coaster of kid and adult drama, and I felt like I could often minister without being overly identified with the job. I've always been a people pleaser, but found myself simply ministering to people, not needing them so much.
I found further validation in the work I've done to learn my wife, build routines and prepare for this position. Time feels right, and I honestly am working hard without overworking. I come home without bringing work home, and I am striving to learn better and get home sooner.
My joke when folks asked about the new position is that I went from 4-5 appointments a day, to 4 or 5 urgent issues per half hour.
I went from being an expert, efficacious, craftsman of feedback, real-time coaching, and evaluation of teachers to a complete novice in multitasking, managing behaviors, and learning what the expectations are.
I went from feeling bad about watching Netflix too late most nights to complete media detox--I need the rest physically. I went from a whenever bedtime to a 8pm bedtime, from a 6am (ish) wake up to a 3:50am wake up (well, that's when the first alarm goes off).
What was jarring is to be immersed in kid drama all day. I served a lot of students who had no tolerance for productive struggle. Some of them have been raised by glowing screens for the past several years. And they inspire each other to get off task. Even as I write this I struggle to collect my thoughts to make it clear to you what it is like. I imagine only my colleagues at the school or others in school leadership could really picture this.
I gotta say something about validation though. In all the hard, often disorienting work there is validation. My desire, faith, family and experience felt matured and aligned to minister to the needs at Munroe. I can't fix everything, and I don't promise solutions, I just minister for 10-12 hours a day. Before I began the role, about 3 months earlier, I began to cultivate a spiritual practice this year to be still for 20 minutes per morning and again at night, after diving into Keating's Contemplative Journey and Heurtz's The Sacred Enneagram. That work proved invaluable. I had passion and energy for the hard work of joining a school leadership position mid-semester that surprised me. I was often comfortable in my skin as I struggle, and I gave myself no space to be self condemning or live in shame. It comes sometimes but I release it in prayer aloud and in silence and stillness at 4 am. The work paid off, I grew a great deal, and learned as I rattled on the track of a surreal roller coaster of kid and adult drama, and I felt like I could often minister without being overly identified with the job. I've always been a people pleaser, but found myself simply ministering to people, not needing them so much.
I found further validation in the work I've done to learn my wife, build routines and prepare for this position. Time feels right, and I honestly am working hard without overworking. I come home without bringing work home, and I am striving to learn better and get home sooner.
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